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For future reference, since it seems like it might be necessary sooner rather than later, if things come out of the Vatican smokestack:
- Black smoke means there's no new pope.
- White smoke means there's a new pope.
- Red smoke means shit is about to get real at the Vatican.
- Purple smoke means Jimi Hendrix is the new pope.
- Green smoke means it's currently 4:20 at the Vatican.
- Blue smoke means the Vatican is no longer working, please call tech support.
- A shit-ton of smoke means the Vatican is currently on fire.
- Intermittent smoke means, "Help, cardinal currently trapped in Vatican fireplace, send Swiss guard with tub of lard."
- Orange smoke means a rascally cardinal is playing a practical joke.
- Multicolored smoke means the Vatican has invested in some illegal Chinese fireworks.
- Snakes which whisper that the day of judgment is at hand mean it may be time to duck and cover.
- Bats mean the Joker is pope.
- The body of the old pope means buckle up, shit's about to get weird.
If that seagull comes back, I have no idea what that means. Maybe the seagull should be pope.
@intransitivelie I like to imagine the smoke is actually a bunch of cardinals lighting up giant joints to smoke, to relax after the stress of the conclave, kicking back with a reefer and some Bob Marley on the stereo to chill out a bit after it all.
@LordWoolamaloo
Based on the dipshits who are cardinals, I doubt it, sadly. They're probably too busy trying to figure out how to weasel out of rape charges. But maybe you're right and it's one of the perks.