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Why are there no new nursery rhymes? Who decided that? A moratorium and we're just stuck with ring a ring a roses and oranges and lemons said the bells of Saint Clements. I could make up new nursery rhymes. Perhaps this is where I make my fortune. Kids rhymes about really really awful things. Literally every thought I've just had is way too bad to post here. I am very very sorry for my brain. What is a newish lighthearted terribly tragedy? Perhaps there being too many potholes in the UK? What rhymes with potholes (apart from plot holes)? Profiteroles?
Hundreds of hairy moles like to jump out of potholes. When will they fix 'em, asked the people of Brixham.
I think I'm really onto something here.
Edit - OK people have pointed out there are loads and I am wrong. Stop going on about it. 
@TheBreadmonkey The classics are the best?!
On a serious note, if you know the context of these nursery rhymes, they aren't exactly child friendly. Ring a Roses is about the Black Death for example.
@missmelanieh @TheBreadmonkey Was once in a play about the plague. Roses of Eyam. Had lost my glasses. Only had prescription sunglasses left. Accidentally left them on after the intermission. Did a funeral scene, carrying a coffin with them on.
Bring out your dead 
@BenCotterill @missmelanieh @TheBreadmonkey
Was in Eyam last year. A sobering story of sacrifice for the greater good.
@Fragarach @missmelanieh @TheBreadmonkey Was in Eyam today.
@TheBreadmonkey
The numpty with double-deep pockets
He got exploding rockets
Kick him in the shin
Brighten up your grin
And drag that bastard to the dockets
@TheBreadmonkey have you heard of “a tooty tah”? I promise this is a thing, my kids started doing the dance and singing it in Minnesota about ten years ago and my husband and I were shocked. It is the newest sounding nursery rhyme I’ve heard.
What in the hell did I just watch?
@TheBreadmonkey i haven’t seen the video but when my children performed it, I thought it was a stylized fart motion.
You’re welcome?
@TheBreadmonkey also new nursery rhymes exist we just haven’t accepted them as such. Because it feels sort of slimy to put Baby Shark in the same category as ring around the rosy. But in terms of being viral I think it fits
@3janeTA @TheBreadmonkey
Tell me "i lik the bred" is not a new nursery rhyme. 
@3janeTA @TheBreadmonkey
OMG my daughter’s (she’s now 21) preschool class used to do this.
@TheBreadmonkey who has nurseries anymore in which to rhyme?!
People who sell plants?
@TheBreadmonkey
Hundreds of hairy moles over at mole.social are feeling very triggered right now
I wish them nothing but the best. Unless they are awful. And then I don't.
@TheBreadmonkey
They probably never saw your post anyway, they're to busy fucking up some Tory lords pristine lawn.
@TheBreadmonkey I sang Kala's lullaby (from the Disney Tarzan movie) to my baby brother when I was younger.
I suppose Disney has cornered the market on musical allegorical songs
@TheBreadmonkey can't sleep on jump rope songs in this discussion, they're constantly evolving.
@TheBreadmonkey 
in canal of Suez
Did a boat get stuck
@TheBreadmonkey Let me introduce to you Baby Shark and APT
Is bs a nursery rhyme? I like to think of a nursery rhyme as a musical allegory of something awful to teach children about whatever
@TheBreadmonkey Hmm some nursery rhymes focus on repetitions, rhythms, farmers having a dog Bingo
@TheBreadmonkey 
By George, you're on to something here with these new nursery rhymes, Ben!
@TheBreadmonkey In Canada we have nonsense by the wonderful Dennis Lee. My favourite book of his - Alligator Pie, a Canadian classic.
@TheBreadmonkey Didn’t children’s TV shows like Sesame Street make up what were effectively nursery rhymes for a post-feudal era? Or does a true nursery rhyme have to include coded sedition against the Crown or similar?
@TheBreadmonkey Doctor Waffle on TikTok makes new songs/nursery rhymes with his spouse, and they're so cute and ear-wormy. Axolotl on The Pink Stairs is such a bop lol
Hmm. I got The Look from a friend after teaching her daughter "Mary had some marmalade".
Which I thought was a shame, kids love stories about puke, poo and the like.
Gus Posey @TheBreadmonkey Do one with Alf.
@Gustodon @TheBreadmonkey as a part time Bluesky user, that idea was a bit terrifying
so many thoughts on this.
1st - should i be the nursery rhyme police and decide when there can be new nursery rhymes? lol fuck that i hate cops.
2nd - will you be like Father Bull to the Mother Goose? 
3rd - sorry to say pothole problems are prolly an old UK issue -- thinking of a song that goes "I read the news today oh boy/ 4000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire"
@TheBreadmonkey
Nigel got Covid and coughed in his arm.
He was right next to Constance, so did her slight harm.
Her mum and her dad showed a little alarm,
So they gave her some dewormer you use on a farm.
King Harry had a billion quid,
Bought a sub and sealed the lid,
To dive to Davy Jones
But after all a giant squid,
Does not want a billion quid,
It wants to crunch your bones
So giant squid popped Harry’s lid,
And Harry’s head left Harry’s mid,
Ending King Harry’s groans
Now late King Harry had a kid,
Who came into the billion quid,
And sits upon his throne
King Harry’s not missed, God forbid,
In fact, the new King thanks the squid,
And throws it marrowbones
@TheBreadmonkey Had to trim a whole verse to fit this in a toot.
Antonius Marie 