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If you were an "old soul" or a "little adult" as a kid, you probably had emotionally immature parents, so you had to take care of emotional and often physical needs of the other people in your family. You probably have no idea how to ask for help, and you keep taking on caretaker roles in all your relationships, even when it's inappropriate, like a partner, friendship or a workplace relationship.
IT'S ME, I WAS THAT KID.
I'm trying to do better.
@RickiTarr Yup! Ask me how I know. 
This is spot on.
@RickiTarr Insightful.
@RickiTarr I'm getting a little better at not immediately jumping into the caregiver role but actually leaning on other people still makes me nervous. 
@faithisleaping It's so hard! Good job!
@RickiTarr
It's a difficult thing to over come.
@RickiTarr Are you also weirdly surprised when someone starts doing something which, to you, is truly helpful?
Not angry or anything, just like, the same feeling you'd have if a cockatiel started doing your uni-level math homework, or when rain falls up for several hours.
You know, things which allegedly never happen.
@RickiTarr I hope you get to enjoy being taken care of sometimes 
@RickiTarr I’d argue, but I’m too busy navigating the long way around the house to get to where I’m going rather than asking the family member standing in the doorway to let me through because I don’t want to put them to the inconvenience of taking a step to the left.
@RickiTarr When I say "that rings a bell" I mean it like this:
FACT
i was cooking cleaning doing laundry mowing the grass making my own lunch getting myself out the door for the walk to school or to get to the bus on time when i was 9
because my parents were 'busy' my mother wasn't a 'morning person' too tired from work, etc
yikes
@samiamsam @RickiTarr The lawn bit is weird, but IMO, 4th grade isn't too young to be digging in a full 'fridge for what you want to eat and getting yourself out the door. That's about the age, maybe 10, when autonomy starts to itch, and you start to see who's pulling who in what direction and why.
I'm not saying your parents weren't neglectful, but I would say this probably isn't the point on which you want to be calling them out on it.
these were not optional
these were my responsibility
that's not normal for 9 year old
@samiamsam @RickiTarr I mean, I'm just a mom and former volunteer, but there were kids in my south of MSP 'burb who locked their bikes next to mine who got up after their parents left for work and packed their own lunches. Yeah, I mostly drove, but we live out-of-district, and navigating the cold etc. was just easier with that as routine.
Where I live, it's not unusual. Parents seemed to be ramping up for that starting in 2nd grade in 2012--the flip-phone conversation started.
@RickiTarr Excuse me while I screenshot this and send it to someone.
@RickiTarr My secret was to marry another compulsive caretaker so we just run around like border collies herding one another all day. It's sweet.
@carrideen Ha, wow me too
☆ Lisa ☆
@RickiTarr @laprice Um, yeah, about that. Sigh.
@RickiTarr @laprice Also let’s not forget lingering anger towards your parents for being forced into the caretaker role, their general emotional unavailability, and never being allowed to show pain, uncertainty, or failure. And then as a bonus you get a lifetime of negative attachment styles to start from. Or is that just me?
@RickiTarr I'm in this picture and I don't like it 
Who let you inside my head?
@RickiTarr I was that kid to many adults in my life, when I was a child.
@RickiTarr Wait. I have needs?
@RickiTarr@beige.party hey im in this post and i don't like it
@RickiTarr *sigh* yeah...
@RickiTarr I read the books, I do the therapy, I do the meditation- and yet.
@RickiTarr Rude of you to attack me like this, frankly.
@RickiTarr
"Deputy Mom" (oldest girl in a scrum of six) who learned late in life to say "No", just in time for retirement.
Through my childhood I only learnt to suppress my emotions and that my emotional needs are not seen. It made me ill. I have to relearn my emotions too.
@RickiTarr Well, yes...
