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Logging off for a bit to clean up my room. It's been very messy since my last overwhelmed with life crash in late January. The disorganized mess is bothering me a lot now. I need to clean up & organize everything again. Then, my brain will stop feeling so irritated.
Hot wings food break.
My closet is all cleaned up & organized. Vacuumed rugs. Mopped tile floor. After eating, tacking my vanity & bookshelves areas. I'm feeling great about getting this done.
I had ignored 12 daily digital calendar reminders, leading up to today.
Due to my #ADHD - I sometimes let messes pile up for a short time & then #OCD kicks in hard. This happens more often when I'm very stressed out & am feeling burned out. I will clean all day & night, until things are 'perfect' for me. I'll likely be up until middle of the night today, cleaning & organizing.
I tend to do 1-2 hour spurts of intense cleaning/organizing with several food & body stretching breaks in between. This is how I've learned to manage myself when my OCD kicks in hard. Before learning how to manage myself better, I'd go full tilt with cleaning & organizing for hours without eating. That was not good for my well-being. So, I spent a lot of time learning how to do things a bit differently so I don't burn myself out in one day with my OCD kicks.
I don't work again til Friday so it's OK if I don't get to sleep until almost morning.
I feel safe sharing my personal experiences & struggles with being #AuDHD here. I've been able to relate to so many fellow ND folks here & no one makes fun of or tries to tell me that how I'm constantly trying to learn more & how I strive to manage my neurodiversity is wrong or strange.
Before I learned how to manage my #OCD tendencies better -> I'd avoid visiting anyone's homes when under heavy OCD kicks. I wasn't able to stop myself from trying to clean & organize other people's homes. I had a severe tendency to clean/organize everything, anywhere I went, when hard OCD kicks came in. In past, I've gone out & organized multiple little free libraries, in alphabetical orders, cleaned up 6 sheds that are not mine, folded laundry that wasn't mine or my family's for 4 hours, sorted whites from colours at laundromats(from baskets that weren't mine), organized items at grocery stores when they weren't all lined up properly, fixed messy posters on public bulletin boards....to name a few things that I no longer do.
@oli I feel actually seen & heard here, for being my authentic self. I don't feel any needs to mask for folks here. I felt that pressure to mask who I really was on FB, IG, Twitter & Tiktok, before I left all of those unsafe for me platforms.
@PhoenixSerenity I think I'm ruined on all other social networks/social media at this point.
@oli 
You don't need those shit SMs. We got you, here.
@sunumbral I've been enjoying building new friendships with fellow ND folks here.
I believe every single person wants to feel safe & understood. Nowhere is absolutely safe for outspoken, marginalized ND people like me but some spaces are safer than others.
Thanks for sharing all of those things you used to do. I’m not OCD, but do tend that way, & have struggled to resist cleaning & tidying things that aren’t mine. Sometimes, when assisting others, I’ve “overstepped”. I’m glad you’ve worked out strategies & can totally relate to that situation of living in a certain amount of mess & then needing to work in a highly focussed & determined manner to restore things to order. I hope you don’t overdo it & recover well from your exertions. Enjoy having order restored!
@Susan60 @sunumbral I had no idea why I had these OCD tendencies for so many years. I've been like this since around tween years. I know, after getting therapy & support, that it developed from my very traumatic early childhood years & living in chaotic post-US war on Vietnam as a war child survivor. Being bullied by racists at a very young age & being told that me & my peoples are dirty & worthless, also contributed. I didn't understand the hatred at young age & started trying to control inanimate objects in my worlds.
Mmm. I was thinking that it might be about controlling those few things you actually can control. And I think it’s the same with me. Less severe trauma, less severe response. 
@Susan60 @sunumbral It is exactly that. I have severe traumas & developed a lot of heavy trauma responses to cope/survive.
@PhoenixSerenity @Susan60 @sunumbral I relate to this thread so much. This is one of my childhood trauma responses too. And my mind needs to see order in my space or it’s agitated. I’ve had to do a lot of self analysis on it because I have a kid that is opposite & disordered. As a single parent, with severe abuse & trauma, communicating my mental health challenges in an easily digestible way, is essential. Thank you for sharing.
@DEDGirl
Glad you found some resonance in my thread here. I feel it's so important to share our experiences in not coping & in coping too. We help each other, when we are being genuine about our struggles & life experiences. We can engage on more empathetic levels.
@Susan60 @sunumbral
@PhoenixSerenity
This might be a useful perspective on a troubling interaction with a friend of a friend. Might help me find more compassion and tolerance. It's probably still not a good idea for her to be in my house though
@RedRobyn Healthy boundaries are essential when dealing with this kind of behaviour. Those boundaries are healthy love in action. Whether the person realizes it or not.
@PhoenixSerenity
I do feel like she wants more love than I can have for her. Which leaves me with a bundle of difficult feelings. Maybe those boundaries are love in action for myself.
@RedRobyn That last sentence is very important. They are for both parties but they're self protection at the core. I've had to tell a few people that we will need to meet up again, further along our separate life paths because they refused to accept my boundaries & stomped on them, repeatedly.
@PhoenixSerenity that seems exhausting
@elexia It is very exhausting.
@PhoenixSerenity This is so helpful for me to read, thank you for sharing it. It has opened a new window of possibility for me in thinking about someone in my life, and it definitely explains something I’d noticed but not understood about a loved one with an OCD diagnosis.
I have a habit of tidying clothes racks in clothes stores... hangers HAVE TO point the same way and the sizes need to be together...
I don't think I'm OCD and honestly i don't care; it just looks prettier.
@PhoenixSerenity Glad you were able to take care of your living space. I vacuumed and mopped the floor of my room yesterday after perhaps a whole month of avoiding it. I have been getting into a decent routine with washing the few dishes that I accumulate, I am feeling happy about this. I have to clean up the bathroom soon, I trust myself to get to it when I am able to.