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@theropologist@beige.partyI have to complete my self evaluation today and I really just want to write, "This year I did work and you compensated me for it, as per our agreement."
@theropologist My goals for this year include not spending time on needless paperwork.
@RickiTarr @theropologist Die to fold I read: "My goals for this year include not spending time on needless"
Which is 
but also 
and also 
@RickiTarr @theropologist what David Graeber called "Bullshit Jobs"
@RickiTarr @theropologist
"My goal for this year is to finally achieve escape velocity"
@theropologist That's fucking brilliant. I might use that. :)
@theropologist @RickiTarr my last self-evaluation said “given that you have set me no goals and I have achieved everything I set myself, I consider myself to be achieving my assigned goals. 100% of target.”
@cloudthethings
Years ago I was teaching basic electronics in a GCSE D&T course (UK high school). At an annual assessment I had to agree a target with my manager. We agreed I should attend an advanced electronics course. No such course was provided so next year it was noted I had failed to upskill. I asked for the same target for next year but that was declined as 'it made the school look bad'. I left teaching that year.
@theropologist @RickiTarr
Can't blame you for honesty.
A couple of suggestions:
"I wear the skin of Shai Hulud."
"I am a god among men. I am also a goddess among women. But that's for another day."
sometimes, i worry that you take running an instance 𝘵𝘰𝘰 seriously
but, you know, thank you and you're welcome 
I absolutely despise the bullshit evaluation season.
There is no connection to performance relative to pay raises anymore, with only an exceedingly small number of exceptions.
I've been on both sides of the evaluation desk, and it's basically going through the motions of a system that at one point in the distant past was useful, but has been reduced to theater.
Both participants know that this silly, cynical pantomime will result in the same raise, if any, as everyone else in a similar role in the company, regardless of the interviewer's recommendations. Those decisions only occur well higher in the organization by corporate drones working their damnedest to squeeze into the C-suite.
@paninid
"various tasks were performed"
@theropologist Perfect. I have to do mine quarterly.
@theropologist "I note that my productivity was greater than that of most of the CEOs who were awarded million dollar bonuses"
@theropologist @cachondo I used to hate doing those kinds of things. Where do you work?
@theropologist - and this is the living hell I must finish tomorrow.
@theropologist You don't need no receipt for no donut! There is no reason to bring pencil and paper into it.
@theropologist
This is mine, now.
In an era of mass layoffs, you have to wonder about a boss who is unaware of what their staff did all year.
Perhaps layoffs target the wrong people?
Middle managers in Corporate Carpet Land are always the first to be let go. It's a hateful job. I wouldn't deal with that sort of drama for any amount of money. Worse than being a platoon sergeant, like managing monkeys.
Middle Management get abuse from below and abuse from above.
The modest wages aren't worth it.
I'd done some small gigs on my own, thought I'd climb the corporate ladder. Made less money, worked much harder - they let half the staff go when they changed computer systems.
Went back to consulting. The money was better - and I didn't have to deal with HR bullshit of that sort.
@theropologist Yeah for a couple years I actually took those things kinda seriously, then I noticed everyone around me filling in responses like "completed.............." or even "ok.........................." (there's minimim character counts) and I started doing similar and I don't think anyone ever noticed because I don't think anyone actually reads those.
"And didn't grab anybody by the shirt & scream in their face. Like, even once."
@cavyherd @theropologist “Even the ones that *really* deserved it”
@cachondo @theropologist hahaahha that's how I feel when I have to do mine too!!!
@theropologist Personally, I handle self-evaluations as a chance to update my resume. What is relevant to one is relevant to the other.
@theropologist yes go for that
@theropologist How about "I upheld the pact and so did you."
More ominous, plus more generic so you can re-use it.
@SeveraSnape @theropologist I hate that shit. ugg I just bs mine. I want to be like bitch please
@sapphireangel @theropologist I couldn't get away with that in my former job. I could now. hahaha.
@theropologist Just finished my annual performance review & I relate to this so much. I even added metrics! Numbers! Based in reality? Maybe!
@theropologist Oh, how tempted I am to steal that!