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Some of us just don’t like being touched & that’s ok.
Sound advice here about how to interact with cats. Coincidentally this is Exactly the approach needed by #ActuallyAutistic people like me. And, in my experience, by kids.
I wonder, how is this not obvious to everyone? The answer, I think, is that so many of us learn when we’re young that we’re not entitled to have boundaries. Not entitled to be safe.
Cats can teach us So Much about #consent. We are all entitled to be safe. @actuallyautistic
‘She treats everyone with a deep growl’: can you train an angry cat to be more sociable? https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/mar/30/she-treats-everyone-with-a-deep-growl-can-you-train-an-angry-cat-to-be-more-sociable?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other
@26pglt @actuallyautistic
As a child of the 60's and 70's you hugged. Well, unless you wanted to be shouted at, a lot, anyway. Every vague relation and friend of the family, anyone, in fact, who your parents deemed you had to. Because the thought of someone even thinking about being able to refuse one, hadn't even staggered over the horizon back then. It was just how you were expected to behave. I wouldn't say that I learnt to endure it, that actually took a long time. But, I still hate it as much now, as I did back then.
@pathfinder @26pglt @actuallyautistic
I bumped into a former student who recently lost their father. Asked if I could give them a hug. They said “of course”, but it was like hugging a tree trunk. Next time I see them, I’ll say that it’s ok to say “I’d rather not”, if someone offers a hug.
@pathfinder @26pglt @actuallyautistic
I'm un the same boat. And my mum still thinks I'm feeling that way because she did not Hug me enough...
We almost had to fight to protect our son whom we taught he coud refuse any unwanted contact
@26pglt @LaurentB45 @actuallyautistic
I honestly don't know why this is so hard for people to understand nowadays. There's certainly enough information out there for it to be considered unusual anymore. Plenty of people, for a lot of different reasons, struggle with touch and especially unsolicited touch.
@pathfinder @26pglt @actuallyautistic I really like and want hugs for my wife and kids (who are sick if them) but the rest of the world I would like at a safe distance thank you very much. Sometimes, when very drunk and able to, I do give occasional hugs to close others (I don't really have friends, but preferred humans) but thats very rare
@Aspiedan @26pglt @actuallyautistic
As with all things, choice is the key. If we choose it, we are in effect in control of it and that means feeling safe and comfortable. Touch, for me, is rarely feeling either of those two things. Perhaps because I was forced too much as a child, or the rolling trauma of not having the control I so often needed, I don't really know.
@pathfinder Choice. I was a hugger myself, because it seemed to be expected behaviour. So much awkwardness.
@Aspiedan @26pglt @actuallyautistic