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Ricki Crush Bandicute Tarr

Why I Don't Seriously Talk Shit About Myself Anymore:

(I'm not talking about the occasional self deprecating joke here. I think people can understand the difference for the most part)

NO ONE LIKES IT! (Except one group, I'll get to that)
Really, no one likes this, it's annoying, and shuts down conversation. It's not interesting to spend time with someone who is constantly telling you they're garbage and useless.

The group that does like it are ABUSERS. They will seek it out, they will love bomb you, and then use every negative thing you've said about yourself against you later.

If you say something long enough people will believe it, and so will you, even more than you already do.

It's manipulative behavior. Yep, people probably won't like this one, but it is true. Plenty of people, whether they realize it or not, use this to garner attention, and just don't get why it never turns out positive.

It doesn't actually hold you or anyone else accountable for poor behavior. It's basically saying I can't help my behavior, because my nature is in and of itself bad, therefore you shouldn't expect anything else from me. You are saying you will not or cannot change yourself or your circumstances. This just isn't true.

Framing was really important for me. It's totally okay to say, This is how I'm feeling right now, to another person, while still knowing that the way you feel in a moment doesn't reflect reality. I would never think the things I think about myself, about other people. (With a few obvious well earned exceptions. I think we all know who I'm talking about LOL)

You deserve to be loved, you deserve grace, and it starts with you.

@RickiTarr
Like anyone, I have moments when I really get down on myself. I mostly share them with my cats, who provide the perfect combination of unconditional love and DGAF.

@RickiTarr AGREED. Especially the part about "if you say something often enough, people will believe it" - so then why not make what you say often positive and kind?

Takes a little re-wiring but the tone of your self-talk makes a big difference. I'm glad you did the work on framing, that's not easy. Respect 💪

@sand It's a hard thing to learn, still working on it.

@RickiTarr Right, I actually get quite frustrated with people who are always being negative, but still somehow use that as an excuse to both blame everyone else for their failures and justify them never doing anything to improve their situation.

@RickiTarr I've started saying "hey, stop being mean to my friend!" when my friends put themselves down.

@maco @RickiTarr I did this for a few friends in college, i was shocked at how well it worked! People who are mean to themselves are rarely mean to others, so when you remind them they're someone else to someone else, the entire self-destructive mechanism breaks

@maco @RickiTarr

My wife uses this tactic. It works, thankfully.

@RickiTarr nicely put!

I try to speak positively about myself and others. Still improving 😀

Criticism causes you to tense up. Enough tension lowers your mood and defences. Up to the point you can get physically sick.

The best counter: a quick compliment to neutralise the tension.

Your body makes no difference as to who was actually meant. Every criticism you utter is taken personally by your body. So, don't criticise yourself OR others! Formulate things positively.