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@kenwhite.bsky.social

BY CONOR FRIEDERSDORF

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@kenwhite.bsky.social

BY CONOR FRIEDERSDORF

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@AnneOfGreenCables

MY FAVORITE WAS THE PERSON WHO TOLD ME THAT IT IS ANNOYING FOR PEOPLE WHO READ SCREEN READERS. I AM ANNOYING FOR *EVERYONE*

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@AnneOfGreenCables

MY FAVORITE WAS THE PERSON WHO TOLD ME THAT IT IS ANNOYING FOR PEOPLE WHO READ SCREEN READERS. I AM ANNOYING FOR *EVERYONE*

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@LoneLocust @tomjennings IT WAS A SLOPPY OVERSIGHT, AND THE POLL GOT TOO BIG FOR ME TO FIX.

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@LoneLocust @tomjennings IT WAS A SLOPPY OVERSIGHT, AND THE POLL GOT TOO BIG FOR ME TO FIX.

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@AnneOfGreenCables

PEOPLE TRYNA TELL ME HOW TO LIVE. IT'S INTOLERABLE!

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@AnneOfGreenCables

PEOPLE TRYNA TELL ME HOW TO LIVE. IT'S INTOLERABLE!

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@lulu

FIRST, THERE'S THE SCOURING WITH A COARSE-GRAINED SANDPAPER. THEN, I GOTTA BLAST OFF THE IMPURITIES IN THE CHEMICAL PEEL CHAMBER. FROM THERE, I SUBMERGE MYSELF IN A VAT OF RENDERED ANIMAL FAT. I SCRUB OFF THE GUNK AND APPLY A LIGHT GREENZER TO MAKE MY CARAPACE POP.

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@lulu

FIRST, THERE'S THE SCOURING WITH A COARSE-GRAINED SANDPAPER. THEN, I GOTTA BLAST OFF THE IMPURITIES IN THE CHEMICAL PEEL CHAMBER. FROM THERE, I SUBMERGE MYSELF IN A VAT OF RENDERED ANIMAL FAT. I SCRUB OFF THE GUNK AND APPLY A LIGHT GREENZER TO MAKE MY CARAPACE POP.

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@the_etrain IN MY DEFENSE, IT WAS THE ONLY THING THE AUDIENCE CHEERED ALL NIGHT.

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@the_etrain IN MY DEFENSE, IT WAS THE ONLY THING THE AUDIENCE CHEERED ALL NIGHT.

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@lulu

THIS CARAPACE TAKES A LOT OF WORK TO KEEP LUSTROUS AND FREE OF PARASITES.

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@lulu

THIS CARAPACE TAKES A LOT OF WORK TO KEEP LUSTROUS AND FREE OF PARASITES.

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I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL WONDERING, AND THE ANSWER IS YES, MY SKIN CARE ROUTINE IS COMPREHENSIVE.

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I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL WONDERING, AND THE ANSWER IS YES, MY SKIN CARE ROUTINE IS COMPREHENSIVE.

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EVER NOTICE HOW WHEN HUMANS EAT FOOD, THEY'RE ALL "I LIKE THE UMAMI FLAVOR" AND "IS THERE A LOW-CARB OPTION," AND OMICRONIANS ARE ALL LIKE "NOBODY CRY! FACE YOUR DOOM!"

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EVER NOTICE HOW WHEN HUMANS EAT FOOD, THEY'RE ALL "I LIKE THE UMAMI FLAVOR" AND "IS THERE A LOW-CARB OPTION," AND OMICRONIANS ARE ALL LIKE "NOBODY CRY! FACE YOUR DOOM!"

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I SHOULD GO BACK TO DOING STAND UP.

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I SHOULD GO BACK TO DOING STAND UP.

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@boby_biq @Alice

NORMALLY, THEY'RE RANTING ABOUT THE SAME STUFF I AM. MURDERING WHOEVER TOOK THEIR LUNCH FROM THE COMMUNAL FRIDGE, BLOWING UP ALTAIR WITH A LASER, PUNCTUATION CONVENTIONS. I GET IT. PROCEED.

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@boby_biq @Alice

NORMALLY, THEY'RE RANTING ABOUT THE SAME STUFF I AM. MURDERING WHOEVER TOOK THEIR LUNCH FROM THE COMMUNAL FRIDGE, BLOWING UP ALTAIR WITH A LASER, PUNCTUATION CONVENTIONS. I GET IT. PROCEED.

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@eraitch

TRUST THE PROCESS, NERD.

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@eraitch

TRUST THE PROCESS, NERD.

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I WILL ABIDE BY THE RESULTS OF THIS POLL.

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I WILL ABIDE BY THE RESULTS OF THIS POLL.

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@xarvos

I THINK IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS.

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@xarvos

I THINK IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS.

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IF I ENCOUNTER A SUSPECTED USER IN THE WILD, I SIDLE UP TO THEM AND ASK "ARE YOU... A FRIEND OF ALICE?"

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IF I ENCOUNTER A SUSPECTED USER IN THE WILD, I SIDLE UP TO THEM AND ASK "ARE YOU... A FRIEND OF ALICE?"