Not to brag but a pair of socks came directly out of the dryer next to each other. I’m having quite a day today!

I lost FIVE pounds OVERNIGHT, on the Mexican Food Truck Diet!

For this next post of mine, I’ll need complete silence.

Las Vegas is now laying odds on how many times I will travel back and forth to Home Depot in order to get what I believe this time is the right size part again.

I’m conducting a study of the vulnerability of certain people to scams, if anyone is interested in participating. It won’t cost you a thing, unless you’re vulnerable to scams.

Interviewer - I’m looking at your resume and I’d like you to explain the gap.

Me - It’s a retail apparel chain featuring casual clothing.

Global warming is just a scam to sell more swimming pools by big hole in the ground.

I’m excited for our monthly neighborhood “singles night” when we get together and try to find matches for our socks without partners.

No one likes hot shingles in their area

I emailed Neil Tyson Degrasse asking him if lasagna crosses the event horizon of a black hole does it become spaghetti?

Luckily I still have enough bandwidth to fit into my old pants

If you’re in a bad mood for no reason, it’s probably because you ate something that pissed off the bacteria in your gut. We are all simply vessels the bacteria use to roam the earth searching for food.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neuroscience-in-everyday-life/201908/gut-bacteria-can-influence-your-mood-thoughts-and-brain

If chickens had 2 legs, 2 wings and 2 arms, they could still fly but they could pick up their food instead of smashing their face into the ground to eat. Poor design.

I’m going to start a podcast where I simply mock the people on House Hunters International, that want a home in the historic center of a European city, but are disappointed because it’s not like an American McMansion inside.

Is it also the definition of insanity to keep doing the same thing over and over again to fix the same thing other people screw up while doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?

I’m worried that the toilet paper I bought during #Covid is past its expiration date

There are no more donuts in the break room, so there is no need for you to check. If anyone is looking for me, I’ll be in the break room.

Today I learned if you call Daylight Savings Time, "Daylight Savings Time" it irritates some people.

My daily aerobic exercise workout consists of me trying to take my pants off while still wearing my heavy wool socks.