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It's apparently aromantic awareness week. At 60, I only realised a few years ago that this is what I was. Before that, I didn't have a name, only the reality.
One of the things I always knew, from quite a young age, was that I would never be married. As a teen and young man, I was painfully aware of the pressure to settle down and get into a settled relationship. But, to be honest, I never had the desire to. It's not that I didn't try, but it was certainly more in terms of thinking that I should do, rather than because I had any real desire to. It was not a pleasant time in my life. The relationships I did attempt never ended well, which was hardly surprising and almost totally my fault and I always felt a certain amount of guilt about that. I also felt a degree of shame about the way I felt and the need to hide it. It was yet another way in which I was different and the sort of different that stood out and set me apart from others.
Of course, being an undiagnosed autistic, this feeling was nothing new. I had always been different, in so many ways and learning how to hide that, at least as best as I could, had become second nature by then. It also gave me another reason to, that I was so fundamentally broken, that I couldn't even function normally in this way. That it wasn't me, it was all the ways in which I was wrong and dysfunctional and the low self-esteem that arose from this, that made me this way and that if only I could find the key to understanding and therefore potentially fixing this, then I could be alright.
Not that I was going to get to that point for a long time, or that fixing this was ever really an option. But, as the years rolled by and the pressure to be in a relationship faded, I did manage to settle more into my solitary life, without feeling the guilt and failure as much as I did, but with it still being there. Of course, as a man, I had the advantage of being able to do this. There is a quantifiable and appalling difference in the way men and women are treated in this respect. In the ways in which society views unmarried, or unpartnered, men and women, that has nothing to do with the reality and everything to do with prejudice, bigotry and sexism. Something that may never entirely be eradicated. Because the normative expectations of what it means and the ways it should be expressed are deeply engrained.
But, the simple fact is that, being in a traditional romantic relationship is as impossible for me to imagine, or want, as being in a homosexual relationship is for a straight person, or vice versa. We are the way we are, simple as. Not because we're broken, or wrong, or defective in any way. But, because it is our nature. I am aromantic, just as I'm autistic, and there really is nothing wrong with that.
@pathfinder There's a verse in the Bible that mentions aromantic men: Matt. 19:12. (Just mentioning as a positive thing from the Jewish tradition (I'm not Jewish, but I am #ActuallyAutistic)).
@servelan
Which just goes to show that it is nothing unusual or unnatural and has always been a part of humanity.
I'm happy for you that you can see that today and feel good about it. The amount of pressure society puts on people to be in a relationship is ridiculous. As if you weren't a complete person when you're not with someone 
Happy pride week 
Superball 
@pathfinder
There is something rather beautiful about this. Thank you for sharing. I’m a romantic but am inspired by your ability to recognize how you are and fully embody that. 
It speaks to aspects of my life in which I aim to fully accept myself, too.
@superball
Realising that you are not alone and that it really isn't anything unusual or wrong, really does go a long way.
@pathfinder Morning Kevin 
I was going to write something deep & pithy, but my brain is too full of fluff at the moment so just know that I agree with much you have said & while I am not aromantic I do wonder if life would be slightly less challenging as an autist if I did not have the emotional overhead of a relationship on top of everything else.
Hey ho, it is what it is.
I hope you have a good day my friend 
@Tim_McTuffty
True solitude is not for everyone. But, it does make life easier, if it's for you.
@pathfinder i always enjoy your longform reflections 
@coppercrush
Thank you. 
@pathfinder thank you for sharing this.
@pathfinder I'm aroflux. That was weird to try to figure out.
Me: I'm not being picky. I'm just not interested in anyone right now.
Nosy person: Why not?
Me: I dunno. Been like that for a couple of years. This time.
Nosy: Are you just saying this because you're actually homosexual? 'Cause you could tell me that. It would be okay.
Me: No, really, I'm not.
Nosy: Just making sure.
@BernieDoesIt
Sounds more difficult to come to terms with, that's true. But, finally being able to accept our essential nature, certainly makes a big difference.
@pathfinder I met my forever love on a blind date. To be honest I only agreed to go on it because I wanted to have children someday and I wasn't getting any younger. But sometime along the way I fell in love. Sometimes I'm romantically attracted and sometimes I'm not, but it doesn't really matter. It's always a wonderful relationship.
@pathfinder I've been hyperfixating on aromaticism the past week, and this morning I wondered if my partner was aro spectrum as well. Turns out there's a lot of reason to believe that's true and not much evidence against it.
@BernieDoesIt
That could explain much
@pathfinder Yeah, like why when we cancelled our Valentine's Day plans for this year because of illness we never bothered to reschedule them (or why we always include our kids in all our Valentine's activities, for that matter.)
@BernieDoesIt
That does seem quite a hint. Although, it would also have been what I would have done.
@pathfinder I can't actually imagine talking to my partner about this, though.
@BernieDoesIt
You could try the good old-fashioned approach, of leaving some appropriate articles hanging about and seeing what happens.
The neurotypical world assumes conformity of perception and desires.
"I want a partner, therefore you must want one too."
"If you say that you are not looking for a partner, you are lying, maybe even lying to yourself."
Even before I discovered my neurodivergence, I had a saying:
It is fine to have preferences, but do not turn them into edicts for others to follow.
The neurotypical world is replete with individuals imposing their preferences as edicts onto others.
∞ @pathfinder I discovered I wasn't broken thanks to Tumblr. A lightbulb moment gave me the names for what I was: aro ace. No relationships, no experimenting, nothing, and no need or wish for these things. I'm happy with friendships and that suffices. Later I discovered another term: agender, and that feels right as well. A person, that's me! The autism came only last year, and with it the knowledge that neurodivergence and not being hetero are very closely linked. 
@Meyltje
I don't know why there is a higher chance of being lgbtqia as an autistic. But I certainly think that being autistic helps us accept it much easier.