I came here to eat cheese, and to eat cheese and I'm all out of cheese and I see you have cheese.

Boomers: People are too sensitive and need to toughen up

Millennials: People need to care more and help each other out

Gen X: Die Hard is a Christmas movie

I hung a live USB cable outside my kitchen window and now a variety of beautiful quadcopters come to drink from it.

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride"

Who the hell thinks this would be the most noteworthy consequence of such a metaphysical situation

A while back a teacher yelled at my son for stimming at school. My wife just let him know that the offending teacher had been fired.

Him: Oh, they set her on fire???

"My eyes are up here," she says with an elegant gesture to the top shelf of curious jars and grotesqueries.

Happy hole-idays! We're thrilled to unveil our new 2022 #Christmas and #Hanukkah card designs. Each design is limited edition: we've printed 100 copies and once they're gone they're gone, so *snatch* them up now. Every card sold supports our charitable work! vaginamuseumshop.co.uk/collect

proud to inform you that the @vagina_museum "away in a minge-er" card was my idea, and some behind-the-scenes gossip: my other idea was a vulva sleigh with the caption "gashing through the snow" which unfortunately didn't happen

@geekysteven if he had some little tennis shoes that light up he’d be unbeatable

One way Star Trek TOS has aged noticeably is when the crew experiences variations of space madness/shock at being in space. Which is fascinating because it actually mirrors the fears NASA scientists had about the psychological effects of space travel.

i made some kitties and gave them a ball to play with, am i winning the game?

A woman was arrested for "chemical endangerment" for using drugs while pregnant. The problem: She wasn't pregnant. So officers released her, but told her if she gets pregnant in the next few month she will be re-arrested.

The people who told us we were overreacting when Roe was overturned were never arguing in good faith and also they were very wrong.

reuters.com/legal/government/a

Me: You want to hang out tomorrow?

Ghost of Christmas future: Sorry, I can’t. My boss wants me to teach lessons to a few old rich people. How about Friday?

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beige.party

Once you go beige you can't remember what it was you came in here for. I built this instance as a place for some nice folks I follow on Twitter. I'm trying to keep this instance small for now while I figure things out, but if I know you from Twitter or Mastodon I will probably approve your sign up request. PLEASE NOTE: We are currently without email capabilities, so after you submit your request, please contact me through the usual channels and I'll manually confirm your account.