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@RickiTarr
"Mother is God in the eyes of a child."

@RickiTarr And rarely restart

@RickiTarr
Hard truth

@RickiTarr So true. And it can lodge itself as a primal thing. You may be self aware and understand intellectually it's bullshit but still there it is. Whenever I see adults yelling at their kids or otherwise making them feel like they're a burden I'm right back there with them.

@RickiTarr
oh...uhh...think I'm going to go sit in a dark room for a bit.

@RickiTarr this explains a lot about my brain

@RickiTarr
I’ve found a somewhat repeat pattern play out. If you are kind to yourself and have respect there’s a good chance that will be reflected how you show up and interact and treat others.

@RickiTarr Been there, done that, hid the tee shirt from m y mom

@RickiTarr so very true

@RickiTarr the problem is how to tuning parent against their kid.

@RickiTarr Yep.

@RickiTarr
Then double it down with the bullying in school so the child goes from loud/confident & outgoing to a quiet recluse.

@RickiTarr T. H. I. S.

@RickiTarr That is true indeed.

@RickiTarr I would argue both are true, not just one or the other. Apologies for just popping up in your comments.

@RickiTarr sad but powerful and true message. I wish that people were more considerate sometimes. Childhood defines most of your future life.

@RickiTarr@beige.party We also stop loving the people that were unkind to us. Just a little bit. But time has the power to heal a lot of wounds.

@RickiTarr Excuse me while I go relive every time I yelled at my boys.

@RickiTarr I know I was not a great dad in some past situations. Mostly because I didn't know better, had some immaturity issues myself and misconceptions about how 'parenting' works. I talked to my kids, who are now teenagers, about that and apologized. The youngest literally started to explain the principle of 'unconditional love' to me to reassure me that everything is okay between us. I was blown away and very grateful.

@RickiTarr Yep. For decades. Then later, they hate you.

@RickiTarr there is no sadder truth

@RickiTarr Just told this to my shy partner who grew up with parents who thought negative reinforcement was the way to go. She nodded.

@RickiTarr - that`s really true, sad to say, and the worst thing is it often takes so many years to hear it, decades in my case

@RickiTarr

But that’s the point, isn’t it? People with low self-worth are easy to push around.

@RickiTarr

Oh, trust me on this; mine stopped loving me.

@RickiTarr Oh trust me, the kids will also stop loving their parents in the long run.

@RickiTarr why must you hurt me so

@RickiTarr

@RickiTarr That is the most profound, and true thing that I have read!! Thank you for posting this

@RickiTarr

I’m still trying to recover from the advice of forgiving your parents, for being human, presumably.

I’ll forgive my Mom, who’s been gone for 36 years, for anything. Everything. She always and only made the decision she thought was best with the information she had at the time.

My stepfather spent my entire life, until he disowned me at 55, mentally and emotionally abusing me with the occasional physical abuse thrown in for good measure.

He fucking laughed when his dog, who he had TAUGHT to bite people, launched itself from behind the couch and bit my 18 month old who was standing on it, leaning against the back.

Fuck forgiving parents.
Not if they are even slightly toxic.

Let them reap what they’ve sewn.

@RickiTarr I’d like to add that “benign neglect” has a similar, if not as dramatic effect. My basic physical needs were always met, but affection and nurturing were absent. And yeah, your last 4 words. Seek out peace and healing , people.

@RickiTarr The trauma we put on children, often without realizing it I’m still dealing with issues from childhood and being able to love myself is one. I mean it when I say I don’t know if I ever will.

@RickiTarr

I so wish I had gotten here sooner. I love my kids and I shower them with physical and emotional affection. I'm also completely ridiculous and, I am sure, very confusing to them. Also, being enormous and bearded with an all-caps voice is a strong headwind--they both seem to prefer mom by a wide margin.

There are so many things that feel like they don't map cleanly onto kindness. I put my son in time out when he slaps me because I want to protect him from being the kind of person who thinks hitting is OK [he's also strong, and him punching me in the mouth is no fun for me], but that also requires manhandling him into his room, and he super duper hates it. I generally don't lie to my kids, but I play games with my son where I'm all "I'M GONNA EAT A BIG BOWL OF POOP!", and he says "dad! That's not poop! It's chocolate ice cream!" and I ask him if he's sure and tell him that I'll check by eating a great, big scoop, and he thinks it's really gross and funny. There's an implied lie in there. Kids have to do lots of things that they don't want to do, and I struggle so much with that. I feel neglectful and substandard a lot of the time, and I just hope they feel genuinely loved even if by a flawed person.

@RickiTarr Wow! So rare these times to read a meme that feels both novel and on the spot. Heard most of those already. Cool.